How to Become a Princess

Crowns, jewels, dresses, princes, and happy endings galore! Being a princess sure has it's perks, but what is it that makes a princess become a princess? Since we cannot all be born into royalty, here are some helpful hints to turn into the princess of your childhood dreams.

1) Charming-Your-Prince: Your first option is to go to your local witch and pay her to cast a love charm over the prince of your choosing. He will fall madly in love with you and should marry you within the week. Expect to be charged a body part or precious item. But beware of being tricked yourself. The Charming-Your-Prince option usually ends in possible disappointment, enslavement, depression or death.

2) Damsel-In-Distress: Your next option is to play the part of a damsel in distress, commonly know as your typical D.I.D. It's relatively easy to execute and has a 83% success rate. First you will want to find a place that your prince usually spends his days, preferably were a "dangerous" monster is. Once again you will want to pay off this monster, they usually accept large and/or shiny gemstones, to hold you hostage or put in in some other dangerous situation. Make sure it happens in front or near by the prince. Remember to yell for help.

3) Hottest Chick at the Dance: Your final option is to beautify your prince. Make a call to your local Fairy-Godmother and tell her some sappy story about why you cannot go to the dance. If you convince her enough (it is best to play up the sympathy card), she will magically make you the finest gown , a horse drawn carriage made from a vegetable, and two accessories of the likes no one has ever seen. Then show up at the ball, fashionably late of course, and if you are the hottest chick there, you will dance the night away in the arms of your prince. Additionally, make sure you know when the fairy magic expires. (Normally it is at midnight, but once and a while you will find a random time.) Once the clock strikes naming your curfew, make a dash for home and leave one of your accessories behind. The prince will then frantically conduct a search to find you. Show him your other accessory and you will marry him at the end of the week. WARNING: There is a short window to escape and if it is not met, you chances of success will dramatically decrease.

Choose an option that works best and you too can end up as a princess! Your results may vary.