How to Write a Song

Writing a song is as easy as can be. Just follow these steps one, two, three!

1) Step number one is simple to find. Write up some lyrics, they don't have to rythm.

2) Step number two, let's see what you'll do. Tap out a tune, and notate it soon.

3) Step numbe three is the best one to see. Get ready to show it to your friends and me! Add on the chords and polish it off. Be happy with your work and never scoff.

Your song is complete. We all think it's neat. This song came from you! Look at what you can DO!

How to Impress Your Date...

... By using pickup lines of course!! The cheesier, the better.

-Let's plant a garden so I can put your two-lips next to mine.
-Did you fart, cause you blew me away!
-Is your name Gillette , because you're the best a man can get.
-Is your name Tennessee? Cause you're the only 10 I see.
-Let's rearrange the alphebet so we can put U and I together.
-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
-If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you.
-Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes.
-Can I have your phone number, cause I seem to have lost mine.
-Did you come out of the woods, cause you're looking foxy.
-Do you believe in love at first sight? or should I walk by again.
-Is your dad a baker, cause he'd have to be to make buns like that.
-Ask a woman for the time. "10:30? So today is December 14, 2009, at 1:41 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you."

And there's always the shoulder techniques:
-If you were a pirate, would you have a parrot on this shoulder? or this shoulder.
-This past weekend I went fishing and first I caught a fish this big (measure about 6 inches), then I caught a fish this big (measure about 2 feet), and then I caught a fish this big (measure about 3 feet and put your arm around their shoulder)
-You've got a little dust on your shoulder (brush it off and leave your hand there).
-(classy yawn)

and many, many more!!

How to Become a Princess

Crowns, jewels, dresses, princes, and happy endings galore! Being a princess sure has it's perks, but what is it that makes a princess become a princess? Since we cannot all be born into royalty, here are some helpful hints to turn into the princess of your childhood dreams.

1) Charming-Your-Prince: Your first option is to go to your local witch and pay her to cast a love charm over the prince of your choosing. He will fall madly in love with you and should marry you within the week. Expect to be charged a body part or precious item. But beware of being tricked yourself. The Charming-Your-Prince option usually ends in possible disappointment, enslavement, depression or death.

2) Damsel-In-Distress: Your next option is to play the part of a damsel in distress, commonly know as your typical D.I.D. It's relatively easy to execute and has a 83% success rate. First you will want to find a place that your prince usually spends his days, preferably were a "dangerous" monster is. Once again you will want to pay off this monster, they usually accept large and/or shiny gemstones, to hold you hostage or put in in some other dangerous situation. Make sure it happens in front or near by the prince. Remember to yell for help.

3) Hottest Chick at the Dance: Your final option is to beautify your prince. Make a call to your local Fairy-Godmother and tell her some sappy story about why you cannot go to the dance. If you convince her enough (it is best to play up the sympathy card), she will magically make you the finest gown , a horse drawn carriage made from a vegetable, and two accessories of the likes no one has ever seen. Then show up at the ball, fashionably late of course, and if you are the hottest chick there, you will dance the night away in the arms of your prince. Additionally, make sure you know when the fairy magic expires. (Normally it is at midnight, but once and a while you will find a random time.) Once the clock strikes naming your curfew, make a dash for home and leave one of your accessories behind. The prince will then frantically conduct a search to find you. Show him your other accessory and you will marry him at the end of the week. WARNING: There is a short window to escape and if it is not met, you chances of success will dramatically decrease.

Choose an option that works best and you too can end up as a princess! Your results may vary.